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AtricleZine - Respect and Relationships-Chicken or Egg?
INFORMATION ANXIETY ATTACKS is formed by the immense gap between what we know and what we think we should know. Individuals now know what they don’t know, and that makes them anxious. The outcome is that the majority of us may well feel that we should know more than we do. With the deluge of information coming our way, we single out small pieces of data. However frequently we are at a loss as to what to do with them. At the same time, we may presume that everybody else knows and understands much more than we do. That is when we become anxious! Excess information has become a contaminant that creates data smog. Data smog gets in the way and obstructs much-needed meditation stressing us out.” It is true that too
So what do we as the adults do with all of this? First of all, see it for what it is. Although we are conditioned to want and to expect respect from others as a precondition to forming a relationship, when preparing for a relationship with your stepchildren, keep in mind that they are conditioned in the opposite way. Although their initial behavi
So many marketing consultants say that marketing is about understanding the reason you are in business, do you believe that is true? They report that to be true and they even write books about the subject, gives seminars, go on radio talk shows and even sell business cassette tapes for business executives and small businessmen to listen to stating that; Marketing is about understanding the reason you are in business. But is it true?Is marketing really about understanding the reason your business? About a decade ago ServiceMaster was asked by a marketing consultant why they were in business? One of the executives said that they were in business to provide jobs for lower income America; those people who co
Most stepparents have expectations of how their stepchildren should behave and show respect, particularly towards them, and these expectations are almost always met with a profoundly different reality than what they are prepared for. On one hand you have a stepparent who is willingly entering into the monumental task of helping to raise their partner’s children, and feel that they should be given the respect and appreciation they deserve for their efforts. On the other hand, you have a child who has not played a part in making any of the decisions that led to this new person having an instantaneous parental role in their life.
Having been through any number of losses, death, separation or divorce of their parents, the child is often on guard with new people and afraid of being hurt again. Their behaviours may include complete dismissal of the would-be stepparent, with drawl, refusal to comply, or varying degrees of testing of this new person in the role, almost all of which come across to the stepparent as disrespectful or even malicious.
Many times the children feel that they haven’t been consulted on decisions that profoundly affect their lives. At the mercy of the adult decisions in their lives, children feel powerless in the situation and respond with behaviours and language, which make the adults feel equally bad. If they could articulate their feelings it might go something like this: “ You (meaning the adults) haven’t asked me what I wanted therefore haven’t respected what I need and want – why should I respect you and your decisions?”
So what do we as the adults do with all of this? First of all, see it for what it is. Although we are conditioned to want and to expect respect from others as a precondition to forming a relationship, when preparing for a relationship with your stepchildren, keep in mind that they are conditioned in the opposite way. Although their initial behavio
Formal night on the cruise - The agony and the ecstasy! How better to describe the romantic night when cruise passengers don their best formal cruise wear and strut their stuff?For some men, it's the agony of picking out your finest formal cruise wear, carefully packing them in your suitcase, unpacking and un-wrinkling them, and then, worst of all….. having to put the threads on. For other men, it's the romantic ecstasy of seeing your dazzling beauty dressed in her finest, and walking arm-in-arm through the elegant dining room.For some women, it's the agony of deciding what to pack for the formal cruise wear night. Should it be black or brightly colored? Long or short? Or should it be slacks or a gow
Most stepparents have expectations of how their stepchildren should behave and show respect, particularly towards them, and these expectations are almost always met with a profoundly different reality than what they are prepared for. On one hand you have a stepparent who is willingly entering into the monumental task of helping to raise their partner’s children, and feel that they should be given the respect and appreciation they deserve for their efforts. On the other hand, you have a child who has not played a part in making any of the decisions that led to this new person having an instantaneous parental role in their life.
Having been through any number of losses, death, separation or divorce of their parents, the child is often on guard with new people and afraid of being hurt again. Their behaviours may include complete dismissal of the would-be stepparent, with drawl, refusal to comply, or varying degrees of testing of this new person in the role, almost all of which come across to the stepparent as disrespectful or even malicious.
Many times the children feel that they haven’t been consulted on decisions that profoundly affect their lives. At the mercy of the adult decisions in their lives, children feel powerless in the situation and respond with behaviours and language, which make the adults feel equally bad. If they could articulate their feelings it might go something like this: “ You (meaning the adults) haven’t asked me what I wanted therefore haven’t respected what I need and want – why should I respect you and your decisions?”
So what do we as the adults do with all of this? First of all, see it for what it is. Although we are conditioned to want and to expect respect from others as a precondition to forming a relationship, when preparing for a relationship with your stepchildren, keep in mind that they are conditioned in the opposite way. Although their initial behavi
We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. This is an old adage, but an accurate one. Yet, it is difficult to apply it to our lives in many situations. This has become so much so that we now live in a state of fear as a society. We fear terrorist attacks. We fear global warming. We fear just about everything. This is not to say these are not serious subjects that need to be dealt with, but fear should never define a person or society.One of the things that is critical to understand is the concept of a moment in time. In certain eastern philosophies, the argument is that there is no yesterday and no tomorrow. There is only today, now…right now. What has occurred and what you think MIGHT occur is irrelevant. I
Having been through any number of losses, death, separation or divorce of their parents, the child is often on guard with new people and afraid of being hurt again. Their behaviours may include complete dismissal of the would-be stepparent, with drawl, refusal to comply, or varying degrees of testing of this new person in the role, almost all of which come across to the stepparent as disrespectful or even malicious.
Many times the children feel that they haven’t been consulted on decisions that profoundly affect their lives. At the mercy of the adult decisions in their lives, children feel powerless in the situation and respond with behaviours and language, which make the adults feel equally bad. If they could articulate their feelings it might go something like this: “ You (meaning the adults) haven’t asked me what I wanted therefore haven’t respected what I need and want – why should I respect you and your decisions?”
So what do we as the adults do with all of this? First of all, see it for what it is. Although we are conditioned to want and to expect respect from others as a precondition to forming a relationship, when preparing for a relationship with your stepchildren, keep in mind that they are conditioned in the opposite way. Although their initial behavi
Here are some tips that may help once you have found your match and are ready to go on a date:– Be honest, be yourself. Don't exaggerate or stretch the truth. Once you're suspected of doing so you will lose your credibility.– Don't surprise your date, with a horror flick or an exotic meal especially on the first date. Keep in mind that your tastes may not be equal to your date's.– Be on time. Being late is inconsiderate, it leaves a bad impression. If your date is late, be patient and understanding, there may be a legitimate excuse.– Calm yourself by telling yourself you're excited, not nervous.– If your date compliments you, don't brush it off or say something that doesn't make
Many times the children feel that they haven’t been consulted on decisions that profoundly affect their lives. At the mercy of the adult decisions in their lives, children feel powerless in the situation and respond with behaviours and language, which make the adults feel equally bad. If they could articulate their feelings it might go something like this: “ You (meaning the adults) haven’t asked me what I wanted therefore haven’t respected what I need and want – why should I respect you and your decisions?”
So what do we as the adults do with all of this? First of all, see it for what it is. Although we are conditioned to want and to expect respect from others as a precondition to forming a relationship, when preparing for a relationship with your stepchildren, keep in mind that they are conditioned in the opposite way. Although their initial behavi
While you may have only recently heard about the fun and excitement of trading on the world currency market, Forex trading has been around longer than you might think. Forex, or foreign currency exchange, grew out of a fixed exchange rate system developed after World War II, that allowed countries to trade based on a fixed value to the US dollar, which was in turn, based on a fixed value to the gold standard. However, modern Forex trading became prevalent in the 1970's, with currencies around the world fluctuating in value, or going up or down. Traders in Forex deal with these fluctuations, and buy and sell currency with the attempt to make a profit.Foreign currency trading has become extremely popular for
So what do we as the adults do with all of this? First of all, see it for what it is. Although we are conditioned to want and to expect respect from others as a precondition to forming a relationship, when preparing for a relationship with your stepchildren, keep in mind that they are conditioned in the opposite way. Although their initial behaviours towards us may appear disrespectful – consider the reasons for that. Don’t personalize their behaviours which are more about how they are feeling in the situation, and not really about you.
They need to see that you are interested in having a relationship with them, before they can trust you. Then slowly they can begin to ease up on the defensive behaviours, and eventually start showing you more of the respect that you were hoping to see from the beginning. And to the extent that they feel important and respected in your eyes, to that extent they will give the same back. Throughout all of this, and as the relationships develop, it is the job of both parents, to teach the children the importance of respect and how to show that to others. And not surprisingly, they will learn more of this by watching how you interact with others and with them, than from anything you have to tell them.
Relationships and Respect – both are critical elements in building a healthy stepfamily and both will come in time. As adults, and as stepparents, we will get more of what we need, and give our partners and our stepchildren more of what they want, if we put our emphasis on building the relationships that can last a lifetime. Children want and need sincere, committed adults in their lives. Even if they mistrust or rebel at the beginning, the moment they know that this is what we’re offering, and when they begin to feel safe and cared for, they will automatically respond with a love and respect that will take us by surprise.
Action Step:
Make the time and create the opportunities to have a relationship with your stepchild. It won’t just happen on its own and may require some special planning. Pick an activity you both enjoy or if you have a hobby or a skill he/she might be interested in, then offer to show them how to do something and involve them in it. This achieves so many things: 1.) It demonstrates your interest in them, 2.) It allows time to build and nurture a relationship, and 3.) You can teach them a skill or interest them in a ho
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